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Hunger |Haiku|

11 Nov

Days In The Blackberries Field R74

the dog sniffs the bag
while three magpies hop around
~ November morning

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6 responses to “Hunger |Haiku|

  1. mark

    11/11/2013 at 11:28 am

    I like this Sky, it’s excellent.
    Ahhh Magpies…….
    Damn I miss Magpies…

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    • Sky Vani

      11/11/2013 at 12:06 pm

      Thanks Mark. I think you don’t know how much this compliment received from the master of haiku means to me. I promise that I will send a magpie, as soon as it is possible.

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      • mark

        11/11/2013 at 9:42 pm

        It’s an excellent image and it works well, the only thing I would say is think about swapping the first and last line with eachother because the dog sniffing the bag is the line that juxtaposes with the rest of the poem so it would have more impact and surprise as the last line. Hope you don’t mind me saying.

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      • Sky Vani

        11/11/2013 at 9:52 pm

        No, not at all. That was the first version, but the dog was the first picture in my head and at that moment “while three magpies…” didn’t sound good as a start of the sentence. Now I’ve read it again and “while three magpies hop around the dog sniffs the bag” indeed sound grammatically correct. There are some things that I can’t “feel” at first because English is my second language. Anyway, it’s already published. I will make a new post.

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      • Sky Vani

        12/11/2013 at 12:26 am

        Hi, it’s me again. Before I leave, Mark, I must remind you that till now you answered to only one task of all that I gave to you (about 1987 and 2013 – congratulation, you deserved it).
        Well… ok, ok… I admit, you are really trying with the happy frog. That is counted too. I know that taking care of him is a big responsibility. Still, there’re some tasks that are still unfinished.
        The third one – you haven’t gave me the numbers that I asked for (d+d+m+m, y+y+y+y, d+d+m+m+y+y+y+y). I’m very curious and I need someone for exercises. And you are superstitious, which makes it even funnier he he.
        And here is the help for the fourth one, which I thought was the easiest – “Evil’s shot” is an anagram.
        I got to go now. The train for the Dreamland won’t wait for me.

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      • Sky Vani

        12/11/2013 at 12:32 am

        cool!!! now i typed under a wrong post?! this was meant to be on your blog. ha ha… i hope you already got used to my confusion… i really can’t go trough “copy-paste-delete” process now… no way!

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