stars wait in line
to get bath in the city lights
Aurora is shy
In response to Carpe Diem’s Special #70, Alexey Andreyev’s “Evening sky”
evening sky —
over the city lights
stars hardly seen
(c) Alexey Andreyev
Advertisements
unawarebutunderlined
02/01/2014 at 11:03 pm
Beautiful take on the prompt!
LikeLike
Sky Vani
02/01/2014 at 11:40 pm
Thank you very much.
LikeLike
unawarebutunderlined
02/01/2014 at 11:42 pm
🙂
LikeLike
magicalmysticalteacher
02/01/2014 at 11:22 pm
Stars and children aren’t quite the same, are they? (Ever see a kid clamor to take a bath?)
Punishing the Night
LikeLike
Sky Vani
02/01/2014 at 11:39 pm
Did you want to say that I missed the prompt involving imagination over the limit? That’s just the way I saw the image. I am not an expert for haiku, so making mistakes doesn’t surprise me. Those who try, make mistakes. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your comment.
LikeLike
Chèvrefeuille
03/01/2014 at 12:15 am
Excellent haiku Shy … maybe this haiku will become more wonderfull as you replace ‘to’ from the first line to the beginning of the 2nd line. Just an idea …
LikeLike
Chèvrefeuille
03/01/2014 at 12:21 am
Sorry Sky … I spelled your name wrong …:-)
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 12:28 am
Yes, you are right. It is much better, I will correct it. Thank you very much for your feedback, I must admit that I was nervous a little, thinking that it’s maybe too abstract for haiku. I haven’t even noticed “h” 🙂
LikeLike
Chèvrefeuille
04/01/2014 at 10:43 pm
It’s my task to give feedback and I hope that my feedback can help to let grow the joy of writing haiku.
LikeLike
WabiSabi
03/01/2014 at 1:05 am
You are right…the only way to create poetry …. is to write poetry… lots of it! I loved the mystery in your poem!
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 1:44 am
Thank you Wabi Sabi for taking your time on reading it and encouraging me. It means a lot.
LikeLike
Cindy Baker
03/01/2014 at 1:15 am
Very beautiful. Thank you for sharing Sky-
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 1:45 am
Thank you so much, Cindy.
LikeLike
Asni Amin
03/01/2014 at 1:18 am
You’re doing fine. There is no mistake. In poetry/haiku, there is no right or wrong. It’s our own personal interpretation. Just continue writing. We all get better with practice! 😉
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 1:46 am
You are right. Thank you for the support. 🙂
LikeLike
Bryan Ens
03/01/2014 at 2:36 pm
never really thought of the stars wanting the city lights. Wonderful twist.
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 6:50 pm
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
03/01/2014 at 9:30 pm
Oh how can the stars beenvious of the city lights?
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 9:49 pm
Yeah… Sounds silly, I know… But, grass looks greener on the other side… 🙂
LikeLike
Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
03/01/2014 at 9:52 pm
And there’s all that city action..
dancing city lights
mock the big dipper’s slowness
– to the disco beats
LikeLike
Sky Vani
03/01/2014 at 10:11 pm
See?! This sounds great! Than, why is it so impossible that one little distance star wants to feel that? 🙂 I like your haiku.
LikeLike